Kylo Ren Kills His Dad And Gets Grounded
by daddychat
Summary: Kylo Ren Kills His Dad And Gets Grounded Grounded Grounded Grounded Grounded For A Trillion Years
1. Kylo Ren Kills His Dad And Gets Grounded

kylo ren was busy jacking off to his daddy vader posters when hux walked in and was like "kyle you have to stop cumming on these posters! thats gross!" and then kylo was like "FUCK OFF UR NOT MY DAD"

and then kylo realized... in order to prove himself to supreme leader jar- i mean snoke, he must kill his actual father. so he called his mom and asked to pick him up from the hot topic. leia came in and was like "did you have a good time sweetie? :)" AND kylo was like "YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MY LIFE MOM STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!" and leia was like "alright hon. :)"

then they got home and han solo was watching mythbusters on tv. "ha, the troll finally comes out of his cave" said han. "hghghgjhvhjghjghgh FUCK YOUUUUUU" said kylo, who stormed up to his room.

"han, be nice!" leia said, and han was like "fiiiiiine i'll go talk to him." han went upstairs and knocked on kylo's door. "ben? you there?"

kylo ren took off his headphones where he was listening to linkin park. he said "I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

han was like "yes son. kylo please be a good boy we can play some basketball after your mother makes us dinner." and kylo was like "Ok Daddy." and opened the door.

but kylo wasnt being a good boy... because instead of doing that... HE STABBED HAN! before han solo could fully die he put his hand on kylo's face, then he died. leia walked in the room and was like "what the heck?!"

and then leia was like "ben why did you kill your dad. that's it ben you are grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 823957843783573872382578347684376874785743 trillion years"

and then kylo got grounded and leia burned all of his linkin park albums and his darth vader posters that were covered in his cum and he even wasnt allowed to use the internet for a month. when he finally got to go back on, he went on his quotev and said "im back! rawr. that means 'i love you' in rancor. :3"

meanwhile, luke was visiting his sister downstairs and was commenting on kylo. "i gotta feel for you leia. i can't imagine going through nine months of carrying a child, followed by eighteen years of raising him, all the costs, all the pains, all the worries, and all for him to be an emo. i am disgusted."

"don't be so mean! hes just going through a phase!" leia said. kylo heard this upstairs and screamed "ITS NOT A PHASE LITERALLY FUCK OFF MOM!"

"hey, to be fair" leia added "at least he didn't turn out to be a republican."

"thats true. i apologize." luke said. then rey walked into the room and held up luke's old lightsaber dramatically at him, staring at him silently. this went on for like 30 seconds and then luke was like "dude what the fuck are you doing" and rey was like "oh i thought this was supposed to be like a dramatic silent moment to end the movie on" and luke was like "dude thats so weird dont do that again" and then the movie ended.


	2. Kylo Ren Goes Broke And Gets Grounded

"here you go honey!" leia said, bringing in the chocolate milk that kylo had requested. "oh what are you doing?" she asked her son, looking at his laptop. "go away mom you'll never understand me" kylo said, snatched the chocolate milk from leia's hand. she accidentally used lactose milk for the chocolate milk and kylo takes one sip and screams "MOM DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING DIE YOU KNOW IM LACTOSE INTOLERENT AND YOU'RE ONLY SUPPOSED TO USE SOY MILK"

before he could say anything else, he let out a super long, prolonged, awful smelling fart thanks to having milk. there was an awkward silence and he said "wow bb-8 just ripped a big one."

"droids can't fart ben :)" leia said. "but sure i'll believe you" then luke jumped in and was like "he who denied it supplied it HEYOOOOOOO"

kylo ren got so pissed at luke that he took out his shitty cross lightsaber and tried to slash luke with it, and luke left the room laughing. kylo was visibily crying and threw himself into bed and started jacking off as leia left the room. before he could do anything that sexy, he got an email notification. "oh man i hope jared leto replied to my fanmail" he said, grabbing his phone, and saw his email.

"HOT FREE PORN OF HORNY TEEN ASIAN BABES. HOOK UP WITH A HOT ASIAN IN A GALAXY NEAR YOU, SIGN UP FOR FREE. WE ARE WAITING DADDY." said the email. kylo was very intrigued but needed a credit card he snuck downstairs and grabbed han solo's credit card off his corpse. he typed in the credit card information, visibly sweating. once sent, he eagerly waited for a reply.

a few days later, he finally got a reply. hoping to see a hot anime titty, he opened it, but the email wasnt from them! it was from the bank! his identity has been stolen! and now he has no money. he desperately called the bank. "doesnt my insurance cover that?" kylo said. "the last time we sent an insurance guy to you you killed him. fuck u. dave was my friend."

kylo hung up and then started crying. then he realized that he needed help from his sugar daddy hux. "mom i need you to drive me back to hot topic." said kylo. "okay ben! after dinner"

"come on mom cant we eat out" kylo said and leia was like "no im making a nice dinner for you and luke tonight!" and kylo screamed "I HATE THIS FAMILY!" an hour or so later, kylo was back at starkiller base/hot topic and went to hux.

"daddy... can you do me a favor and get me a new credit card account... with more money..." kylo said. hux was like "as much as i would like to get squishy ishy cummies from you right now, i can't. we're raising a galactic army right now and we're gonna blow up another planet soon."

"if you cant give me cummies WHO WILL UFRGUDHVUTEBHB" shouted kylo who started slashing at hux's bed.

"kylo... what have you done... you destroyed the bed with all our memories. all our cummies. all our sexy nights. destroyed. what have you done." hux said.

kylo looked at his hands in horror. "what have i done..."

hux grabbed kylo's shoulders. "its ok. we will fix this." kylo and hux got some duct tape out and taped their bed back together. "see, out memories arent gone!" said kylo. "it makes me want to relive them..." said hux. they looked into each other's eyes and then jumped onto each other like thirsty animals. they fucked all night at hux's house since hot topic closed. a couple days later, they got a knock on the door.

"kylo! youve been gone for days!" said leia at the door. "i demand you come home right now!" leia dragged kylo home and sat his ass on the couch. "i got a letter in the mail! you made us go broke! we cant even afford han's funeral now!" she screamed.

"hey its not my fault he died" kylo said. "yeah it is! you literally stabbed him!" leia said. "okay thats true" said kylo.

and then leia was like "that's it ben you are grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 823957843783573872382578347684376874785743 trillion years"

kylo went back into his room and screamed in frustration. he started jacking off again thinking about the next time he hopes to see hux.


	3. Kylo Ren Sneaks Out And Gets Grounded

a week or so after getting grounded for making the family go broke, kylo was jacking it in his room alone. then he got a phone call and saw it was from hux. kylo answered it and was like "daddy you're so huxy"

but hux was like "kylo where have you been! i've missed our sqiushy ishy time. :(" and kylo realized that he never told hux the dire situation of him being grounded. but then kylo had an idea... he wouldn't let this being grounded thing get in the way between him and cummies. "hux, i'm coming over,"

that night, after everybody was asleep, kylo snuck downstairs, grabbed leia's keys from her purse, and took the car. "hoo boy i hope nobody pulls me over... i dont have anything more than a learners permit yet." he backed out of the driveway and started to driving to hux's house. he knocked on hux's door, and hux's mom came downstairs. "hux honey! you have a friend over! but at such late hours?"

"it's urgent for the first order ma'am" said kylo. hux invited him upstairs. "woah hux... your room has more... bondage equipment... than i would have thought."

"i have it saved for my little knight of ren ;)" said hux. kylo gasped and started shaking but like in the sexy way. he unzipped his pants very slowly. since he had a boner, his penis popped out of the pants like the blade of a lightsaber, and he continued to pull of his pants so his balls dropped out like the two crossguards on kylo's lightsaber.

"slash me with your lightsaber kylo ;)" said hux. right when kylo was fully nude, phasma burst in. "yo hux i need to- WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK-"

"what is she doing here?!" kylo screamed, covering his penis.

"i was hanging out at hux's place tonight!" screamed phasma. "what are you doing here?" they both looked at hux.

"wait... so you had a friend over but you started ignoring her once i came so we could fuck?" kylo said.

"...yes." said hux. "that's sexy. im turned on by betrayal." said kylo. "ooooooooooo hot!" said hux. they started to make out and phasma groaned and slammed the door.

"y'know, i'm turned on by betrayal too. you know when i killed my dad? i had the biggest boner doing it. i was thinking about you too tho ;)" said kylo. hux blushed. "will you stab me too? with your other lightsaber?" said hux. "oh i will ;)" said hux. they continued to fuck, until they woke up with sex hair and jizz stains on hux's sheets.

"WAIT A MINUTE... IT'S MORNING! I HAVE TO GET HOME QUICK BEFORE LEIA NOTICES IM GONE!" kylo screamed, throwing on a cloak and running to the car. he slammed the gas and left hux's house, driving home. "oh god i hope shes not awake yet!"

kylo drived into their neighborhood and saw his house, and noticed nobody was awake yet, thank god. "yes! shes not awake yet! i'm just in time and she'll never notice!" right as kylo said this and was about to turn into the garage, he drove straight into a streetlamp, completely wrecking the front side of the car. "SHIT!" he shouted. he jumped out of the car and desperately tried to figure out what to do. after around thirty seconds, he turned around and realized luke was watching from the porch, and leia was just walking out.

"ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh busted!" luke shouted, and when leia saw what happened she screamed.

"you stole the car? and crashed it?! you only have a learner's permit! what have you done!?" leia screamed at him.

"i-it's not my fault! we have car insurance though, right?" kylo said.

"NO I DON'T! YOU KILLED THE CAR INSURANCE GUY TOO!" leia screamed. "that's it ben you are grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 823957843783573872382578347684376874785743 trillion years" she forced kylo to go back to his room, and luke began to repair the car with leia.


	4. Kylo Ren Sneaks Hux In And Gets Grounded

kylo was busy jerkin his dick off thinking about his daddy hux. he missed him so much until he had an idea. he called hux and was like "daddy im still grounded... but you can come here. meet me here at night."

that night, hux came and climbed into kylo's room. "now we have to be quiet or else my mom or uncle will hear." kylo whispered. they immediately started making out, and kylo hit hux's g-spot which caused him to squeel at the top of his lungs. leia and luke started running to kylo's room, and kylo shoved hux under the bed and went into the covers.

"ben? what was that? are you okay?" leia said, bursting in.

"leia, he was jacking it. have you ever met a boy his age?" luke scoffed.

"o-oh..." leia remarked. she awkwardly left the room and luke laughed at kylo, leaving the room too.

"psst... they're gone" said kylo. hux came out from under his bed. "sorry about them..." kylo said.

"no problem. ;))))" said hux. hux jumped on kylo and they started having hot sex again, kylo avoided hitting hux's g-spot again. then they heard a knock on the door again, and kylo pushed hux into the closet.

"yo kylo, i need your xbox 360 controller." said luke, bursting in.

"im sleeping!" said kylo. "get it in the morning!"

"kylo i was a teenage boy too. i could hear you jacking it through the night. now gimme your fucking xbox 360 controller." luke reached for the closet and kylo jumped in front of it.

"no! don't go into the closet!" kylo shouted.

"why not? are you hiding something kid?" luke said.

"Uh... it's a birthday present! for you!" kylo stuttered.

"since when did you give anyone birthday presents? and my birthday isn't for nine months! and its leia's birthday too, you'd be giving her a present if anything YOU HATE ME!" luke said. he force opened the closet to see hux naked.

"WOAH!" luke shouted. "KYLO HAS A BOYFRIEND! KYLO HAS A BOYFRIEND!" luke mocked.

"shush!" kylo said but leia stormed in and saw hux.

"WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?" leia shouted.

"uh... hi. i'm hux." hux said, awkwardly.

"GET OUT!" leia shouted. hux ran out of his room, grabbed his clothes, and ran for his clothes. leia glared at kylo and luke had a huge smirk.

"kylo... this is the last straw." leia said.

"lemme guess..." kylo said. "i'm grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 823957843783573872382578347684376874785743 trillion years?"

"no..." leai said. "ben you are grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 823957843783573872382578347684376874785744 trillion years"

"NO!" kylo shouted. "what did i do so wrong? have a secret boyfriend?"

"ben, son. you killed your dad. you made us go broke. you crashed the car. you don't deserve to have secret sexy times with this emo bad influence boyfriend! i'm sorry to break it to you like this, but at this rate, you'll never not be grounded! you'll just go straight to jail once you reach adulthood! nobody will like you! son, you don't just need to be grounded. you need a change in your damn demeanor." leia ranted.

kylo took that "reason-you-suck" speech to heart, and silently went into his bad and shut the door. he realized... he is unlikeable. he is a jerk. he did ruin his family's life. but he's not gonna let this last. hes gonna redeem himself. and he'll do it by going to the source of it all... destroying what made him emo in the first place.

kylo stormed out of his room and went to luke. "luke... can you drive me somewhere? i'm gonna kill supreme leader snoke."


	5. Kylo Ren Saves The Day And Gets Grounded

kylo and luke were driving to snoke's lair, and were conversing as they did.

"so, you're going for redemption eh?" luke said. kylo nodded in embarrassment. "i don't know if killing snoke will fully redeem you. i mean, you did kill han."

"...that's true. but it's the right thing to do! and lmao maybe it'd shorten my grounding sentence" kylo said.

"well, at least you're trying to be less of a NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!" luke teased. they finally arrived at snoke's palace, and got off.

"you ready, kid?" luke said. kylo silently nodded, and burst in.

"oh kylo, it's nice to see you again ol' pal! how about you give your old buddy snoke a hug and we have some diet pepsi? maybe catch up a bit on each other's lives?" said snoke.

"i'm not here for that... i'm here... TO KILL YOU FOR MAKING ME EMO!" kylo shouted. luke looked into the camera like its the office. "dude you dont just announce that to the guy youre gonna kill right when you-" luke started, but snoke interrupted.

"SILENCE! you want to kill me? have fun trying that!" snoke shouted, back in an intimidating voice. kylo ran up at the giant sith lord and slashed at him. but instead of blood coming out, he saw plastic marks. "wait, what?" kylo said. he continued to slash it up until snoke fell over, revealing he was just a big plastic model being piloted by somebody.

"who the hell is piloting that?" luke said.

then climbing out of the giant suit... was jar jar binks himself.

"what the literal fuck." kylo said.

"woah my theory was right." said luke.

"meesa back!" said jar jar.

"you know what i said about killing snoke maybe not fully redeeming you? i take it back. kill jar jar and all sins will be forgiven." luke said. kylo ran up and slashed jar jar easily.

"wow, that was almost too easy." said kylo. "and im alive! and redeemed! THANK THE-" before kylo could finish, he was stabbed by something unknown.

"KYLO!" luke shouted. kylo dropped to the ground, to show bb-8 wielding a lightsaber behind him.

"that's what you get for blaming that fart on ME MOTHERFUCKER!" bb-8 said with a human voice in english.

just after that, leia burst in, and saw kylo dead on the floor.

"BEN!" she ran up to his dead body. "i heard what happened about snoke. are you okay son?"

"im dying... goodbye mother... wait a minute this makes me just like darth vader thats so cool." kylo said, gasping his last breath.

"ben!" leia screamed, as kylo's heart stopped beating. just after that, kylo's force ghost popped out of his body.

"hell yeah, im dead! and redeemed and the worst character in all of cinema is dead! it's a win-win! i'm not even the black sheep of the family anymore! that's bb-8 now!"

leia, not listening, looked at bb-8. "bb-8, is it true you killed my son?" bb-8 did a sad sounding beep. "aww, how could i not forgive you." she hugged bb-8 who made a happy beep.

"you gotta be fucking kidding me. she forgives the fucking? ugh. im going to heaven or purgatory or whatever." kylo said, poofing away.

later at the cemetery, it was kylo's funeral. luke gave a speech: "kylo was a nerd but he was kinda cool i guess." everyone clapped and cried.

"he was the squishy ishiest guy a daddy could ever have..." hux said in his speech for kylo, which caused many more to tear up.

leia went up for her speech, just as kylo's coffin was about to be lowered to the grave. she sniffed, and as she started her speech, the coffin was lowered into the ground. she said "as my son is lowered into his grave... i would not want to remember the bad things... like him killing his dad, or ruining our lives... i'll remember the good things. like him killing jar jar, that was cool. and uh... probably something else." everyone started bawling at her touching speech.

as his coffin made it into the ground and started to get buried, leia turned around and said a final thing to her son's body. "ben, you are grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 823957843783573872382578347684376874785743 trillion years. but this time not punishment grounded, but literally in the ground. rest in peace, my son."

the end. (star wars credits theme plays)


End file.
